becoming an imperfectionist

half the fun of setting intentions or goals is seeing what comes up to be healed or released in the “becoming” that is required to meet that goal. christine kane

when i read this on christine's blog this morning, i just thought...wow...i never thought of it quite in that way before. i love it!

i am in the process right now of releasing my need to create perfect, labor-intensive drawings and re-deciding new goals for myself and my art. i am really loving photography lately as it is just so fun and easy for me. i absolutely don't feel any need to make it perfect like i do with my drawings and paintings.

i realize that my perfection was covering up a few hidden agendas that go waaayyyyy back to my father, who never acknowledged my art or supported me as an artist. so i felt that if my art was just perfect he could see that this is what i wanted to be and do with my life...not accounting or nursing. after all these years i am finally letting go now of the need to have my art be perfect, realizing that perfection is the antitheses of creativity and that i've been looking outside myself for validation, which will never come and only has doomed me to failure. (well...i honestly believe nothing fails...but you understand!)

so i am letting go of perfection and control, building my esteem and confidence and having fun!! how great is that!!

letting go...

we cling to the familiar because it’s safe - but the only way to get something different/better is to leave the land of the familiar!

karen salmansohn

megan in progress

learning to let go opens many new doors of possibility!

this is my new mantra as I am now permitting life to just happen instead of trying to control it. i've decided to release the pursuit of an art career at this point in my life, as i've been trying to juggle too many things and it's produced too much stress. since i really only have a few years left with my kids, i want to fully enjoy it, instead of squeezing it in amongst everything else. i will still be creating but not pushing to make it my career...instead i'm just going to have fun with it, which feels right at this point! i'll still be creating, enter contests and shows when it feels right and work in other medias such as painting and photography. so, you'll be seeing a total mix of everything now...not just graphite. and i have to tell you i'm totally jazzed to see what happens in africa and afterwards cuz according to nanci (see last post) taking photographs, especially of my travels is what's going to bring me great success!! exciting to think about!

the dream...

"the dream you are living is your creation. it is your perception of reality that you can change at any time."
~don miguel riz from the four agreements~

you can't believe how many posts i have written since my last one. yet none seemed right to publish as i am going through this time of solitude and just have not worked out all the details yet...so i've pulled in, been silent...feeling like a hermit! Oh and i also have a nasty cold keeping me down as well!

but i'm making some very big decisions right now with my day job and my art...and i'm almost there with my thoughts but not quite yet.

on saturday i had a long distance phone consultation with an intuitive healer, nanci drew, which was awesome in many ways. she helped direct me in one area but left me excited at first but then confused later on in another. she said graphite wasn't going to be the medium in which i would find great success with but rather photography. i have to say that i've been having a blast these past few months playing with my camera and have been very happy with the results of some of my photos but never...really NEVER did i once think this was a viable creative path for me. so, i'm just sitting with all this information and seeing how it plays out in my reality.

in the mean time i've posted lilly again because she was accepted into the OCCCA's revisiting beauty competition! YAY!!! i'm feeling pretty proud of that as out of 800 images submitted only 79 got in....yay again!!! so, i am VERY excited and happy!

so...for now, i have to get lilly ready for the show and just start plunging into my tree commission.

rethinking

here's a few photos of this past weekends art show...

i have to say that everything leading up to this show and the show itself created a huge change/shift in me. a realization that swept over me at 3 am friday morning and has stuck with me since. i'm still processing it all and trying to catch up on my sleep! but i will definitely be making some changes this year with my art.

i know my art has a limited audience and for me that has always been alright as my art was one of the few areas in my life that i totally and stubbornly controlled...no one could tell me what i should and should not create. so there's this fine line between creating art for oneself and creating to sell. this weekend made me really see, for the first time, that up to this point i really have created for myself. so i can't honestly expect to have a large audience for it and expect to sell a lot of it.

the question is am i ready to let go of just creating for myself in order to sell?

i believe i am

and i think i found a subject matter that will be more marketable, altho i hate that word as it sounds like selling out. trust me i wouldn't.

it meant a lot to me, this past weekend that others found meaning within what i do. i've always done art because i have to, which, i suppose is another way of saying i do it for myself.

i am an artist. plain and simple.

but...i'm slowly coming to realize that if i am to succeed at this~ thereby making a living at it, i need to think about what the audience wants to see, what will sell. i know that thinking about your art as a product takes all the mystery and romance out of it, but it is essential to do if i want to become a financially successful and creative professional.

a shout out and many thanks to my friend mark who took the photos of me with different people and made friday night really fun! and to a new artist friend nina koumachian ehlig for letting me snag some of her photos!!

one down....

kathryn hansen (c) march 2010

so lilly is done and waiting to be entered in the revisiting beauty competition. as you can see i am only at the beginning with megan, so she will have to sit this competition out! which is a bummer, but just didn't have enough time to complete her.

got a few more drawings framed up and ready for the 4 day event at the gallery at the end of the world this weekend. i think i am as prepared for this show as i ever will be. i wrote up a few elevator pitches for my work, been journaling and meditating on my fears around this show...and happy to say i am feeling very clear and over them now, and am just excited and a bit nervous to see how it all goes. i just have to remember it's more about getting my work out there (instead of it hanging on my walls) and sharing it with people. any pieces that sell will be a very, very, very, very happy bonus!!

tonight i go and hang my work for the show...so it'll be a long day...actually a long weekend but i feel like no matter what, i have grown and learned more about myself because of this event. and with this being just the start of things (i hope!) i am not only building my portfolio but my confidence as well!!