Tuesday, October 14, 2008

After effects

It's quite peculiar, the after effects of the WWW on Sat. I am feeling such a gamut of emotions...and not the light emotions of happiness, joy or bliss. No,unfortunately I'm feeling the darker emotions of depression, jealousy, and self-pity. This is not all stemming from the show but from different blogs I have found recently on artists who seem to be making a good living at being an artist. Of course I would find these when I'm feeling down in the dumps about not making it as an artist financially...just to stick the knife in a little deeper I guess!!I really wish I felt inspired by them, but instead a feeling of jealousy & a bit of hopelessness thrown in as a cherry on top! I know I am the creator of my own experiences & the other day I chose to feel good about having fun that day...but as I look at my pile of bills I am choosing to spiral down to the heavier emotions and into the muck.

I think part of the issue is I stuff my emotions down, not wanting to deal with them, just wanting to pretend everything is all sunshine & roses, when it's not. The thing is,I know better than this...I've been studying metaphysics & spirituality for a very long time. I guess it's one thing knowing it and another thing living it...but that's what I must do, live what I know. And I know I can't get to where I want to be when I'm feeling down. I have to reach for better feeling thoughts and then get back to my normal happy self and start creating the experiences I want!

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