Sunday, September 13, 2009

Each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. ~Edgar Allan Poe

i have to say that i have been very absent lately from both this blog and mainly from my art.

3 weeks ago my enthusiasm for drawing started wanning , then the fires ravished my backyard, then school and soccer began. a lot of pressure, a lot of fear, a lot of excuses.

the pressure i'm feeling as i earnestly try to finish up my portfolio/promotional package for galleries, reminds me of taking tests in school. drops of blood would form on my forehead in trying to regurgitate all the information we learned in the classroom. and now i'm experiencing that same pain. yuck!

in chapter one of "art & fear", it talks about producing art that "no one else much cares about", so ultimately it all comes down to the artist...about creating art that we care about and creating because it is essential for our well being.

i think if money were no object to me, my dream would be to just attend art workshops around the country and getting totally messy creating. process verses product. for someone like me, who has a hard time dealing with too much pressure that would definitely be the easy way out. but life is not always about ease and exit strategies...."something about making art has to do with overcoming things.." so i have to overcome my fears of putting my work out there in the world.

i am learning that i don't have to prove my worth by getting into the top galleries in southern california. i can take baby steps with my art to take the pressure off and feel secure. i can start with small venues, over coming my fears and still feel good about myself.

i guess i just got comfortable with not achieving much with my wasn't pleasant but comfortable. now the possibility exists for greater success...i will have to give up my issues that made me feel safe and start diving in at a deeper lever with issues of freedom, responsibility and power. i'm going to be challenged with stretching who i believe myself to be, my strength and talent...reaching beyond myself. and with all this success comes chaos...chaos always surrounds change. and change will happen when i put my work out there into the world. as i feel that i've been through soooooooo much change lately with suffering two losses this past year, i don't know if i'm quite finished and ready for more yet. this is why i am stalling...but it is inevitable if i don't want to quit. and i don't want to quit.

so here i go...i'm jumping in...wish me luck!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
hey...guess what? i was inspired after i wrote this post to work on my statement...and i finished it! yahoo! now i just have to rewrite and send it off to my friend who promised to help me edit!

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