ever since my mom's last days at a hospice in wisconsin almost a year ago, my brother and i have become close...even friends now! my mom would be very, very happy over this as we have had little to do with each other for 46 1/2 years. in fact we fought hard against each other most of our childhood. i can hear my father's words ringing in my ears as i write this..."if you're going to kill each other do it in the basement." that's so we wouldn't disturb him during martini time!!
but now...wow... we are just enjoying each others company like crazy! i guess we have both changed so incredibly much that we were finally able to come together as equals. as his relationship is ending now and he is telling me his story, all that residue i thought i'd gotten over has resurfaced. i am definitely beyond tired of my own sad story of the love of my life leaving me, but i believe there must be another layer of healing that needs to happen so i can live my happiest life.
so when that negative angry self pity voice comes in my head i override it with a few different mantras. thru much repetition, i am trying to (hammer in) create a clearing for a new way of being. because really, all that nasty negative stuff is not who i want to be and not who i am. not at all!
writing out gratitudes every morning helps as well. i have gained soooooo much from being in a relationship with my ex and then subsequently his leaving me, that i have changed, matured and expanded beyond words! and all of my experiences have been invaluable to me and has led me to my new found friendship with my brother and i am truly grateful for that!